Song of the Day: Understanding – Evanescence

Today’s song of the day is of course another song for the novel that I am currently writing.

Artist: Evanescence

Song: Understanding

This song is mostly for my main character Emma. The two years living as ghost, she doesn’t remember anything, how she died and who her family is; she wonders if anyone misses her.

“You hold the answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you’ve forgotten it.
That’s the way the human mind works.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us
to entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories.
But the imprint is always there.”

This quote from the song is definitely for her. Her main task in the story is to figure out what happened and how she ended up where she is now. Who caused her such terrible injustice and took everything from her.

Hope arises when she meets Joshua, he is the only one that can see her and interact with her whilst everyone else thinks he has lost his marbles. He makes it his mission to help her and they become pretty close friends.

The only thing she does remember is the love she felt for Aaron.

Inside the house, she is afraid of the sky blue door that doesn’t open, she becomes edgy whenever she sees it or stands in front of it. Her soul screams to run away. Joshua believes it might just hold all the answers they are looking for.

Emma however is too scared and decides that maybe being a ghost is much better. As you can see even though she has forgotten everything it is imprinted in her mind and is trying to come up to the surface, but she prefers to ignore it.  Joshua on the other hand doesn’t want her to ignore it, he wants her to find out as he believes this is her unfinished business and cannot move on to the other side.

Whatever she finds she won’t be alone, he will be by her side every step of the way…

Song of the Day: You – Breaking Benjamin

Here I am once again, with another song of the day 🙂

Artist: Breaking Benjamin

Song: You

The reason why this song is the song of the day is because it fits one of my characters very well. I might not have mentioned this, but I am doing Camp NaNoWriMo and the story I am working on is the story I started to write when I was in India. I thought this idea could easily be completed in the 50,000 range. So far I have completed around 11,639 words.

This character that I speak off, is a ghost who I named Emma Beckett. She haunts her house and she cannot remember how she died or who is her family. The only person she remembers is her fiance. She has been dead for two years and life continues to move forwards around her and she is stuck in the past or in the middle of not knowing.

She meets a young man who can actually see her and with his help she starts to find answers. Answers that she didn’t want to hear. Everywhere she looks she finds nothing but betrayal.

This song creates a little music video in my mind of Emma’s trials and tribulations to discovering her answers of who murdered her and discovering her families truth.

Imaginary light

“The shining bright light within fades away

Not even a small flicker left for a sign of hope

Only the darkness envelopes me completely

Feeling trapped within a terrible nightmare

The darkness hovers above me like a black cloud

Sucking the life out of me…”

This was something that came to me around two days ago. I was feeling rather low and feeling rather helpless. Whenever I start to feel depressed I always end up writing something like this. It is like something within just wants to pour itself out, maybe it is a way for me to deal with the situation.

I know that I suffer from frequent depression and you tend to know when I am feeling low when I seem to do my vanishing acts and not found anywhere until I find that I am ready to crawl out of my shell and ready to embrace the world once again. This is how it has been for eight years. This is how long I have been suffering with depression and like always I tend to beat its nasty butt all the time.

This time however it is getting a little harder. My routine tends to consist of reading positive affirmations to myself every morning, but this time I read it and I just don’t seem to believe much in it anymore, however it has helped me to smile and get out of hiding just yesterday. For that to happen I had to read those affirmations once in the morning and once before going to bed. Before once was enough.

I think the whole thing with work is just dragging me down. That locum pharmacist just doesn’t know when to keep her mouth shut and she starts to complain and compare me to people I don’t even know, I try to hard to ignore what she says, but her bitter words always find a way to linger in my mind. Last Saturday, she basically categorised me into the lazy department with people from another pharmacy and I have never met them. I was thinking to myself, you have no right to say that about me, you don’t know me so how can you say that? You don’t even bother to come out onto the shop floor to see what I do since you’re to busy trying to please the manager by doing the work in dispensary? I just ended up ignoring her, but by the time home time arrived her words of calling me lazy, good for nothing just reappeared.

I basically began to start doubting myself and everything that I have done recently. I even started to doubt the novel I wrote in November thinking it was a complete waste of time, it is good for nothing. I haven’t written anything new on it this past week! I fear to touch it. I have been keeping to myself and not speaking to friends much; up until yesterday of course.

Me and my mum both think that it is for my best interest that I quit that job. A part me still wants to go there as I need the money to pay out for my mobile broadband, but the other side of me is just fed up, wants to move on and get better and start applying for better jobs. As always I am quite confused within myself with what I should do. If I leave this job, there might be a possibility that there are no jobs to apply for since jobs are lacking these days…

And now I am just going to stop right here. I had no where else to gather my thoughts, and since this is Diary of a Lost Girl where better to put it then here?

I’ve been thinking about my main character, Abhilasha, in hopes of reviving the story once again and this is her theme tune! I’m thinking if I listen to the soundtrack for the novel it might inspire me to start up again. I think it is slowly working its magic 🙂

Song of The Day: I Feel Immortal – Tarja

The Song of The Day is actually a song that I thought suited the entire idea of the novel I am going to be writing during NaNoWriMo. Tarja Turunen also used to be the singer for nightwish but now has started to do her albums as a solo artist.

Song: I Feel Immortal

Artist: Tarja or Tarja Turunen

This tune is mostly for my main character, Abhilasha. It just sums up how she feels with everything that is going to be happening to her. In her dreams she knows she doesn’t have to fear or be scared of death as she is some what safe there. Although her dreams are scary, confusing and mostly premonitions she feels she can survive.

Outside of her dream world she is the most wanted person in the real world. She knows that soon her time will come when she will have to fight for her survival.

It is just a beautiful song and she has a stunning voice! 🙂