A Better Place…

Yesterday, I sat at my laptop whilst filling out an application form for a voluntary position, and a rather interesting thought had occurred to me, how far have I come since last year?

I realized that I came very far! Let’s just say that 2012 was a bad year. The only good things that happened was my trip to India (there I felt alive, I was loved and didn’t feel alone and generally I was happy and content inside myself), creating this blog (by the way it will be 1 year on 19th June, I believe), and the few outings I had with friends. It was last year I saw the musical ‘War Horse’ on my friends birthday and he invited my mother to come along too. That was the only good stuff that happened.

The rest of the time had been spent feeling down and depressed because of my ex-job, how they treated me and said horrible things to me or behind my back. They stopped being nice to me after they found out that I was dyslexic. They started to assume I was dumb and stupid, they basically stopped my progression in the company.

I have to say that quitting that job was the best move I could have made! I feel happier within myself. The negativity is slowly working its way out of my system, (I mean it is still there, but it is silent, maybe it is waiting for the right time to grip hold of me again), but still I’m not thinking about that anymore.

Right now, I feel that I am ready to embrace the working world once more. Considering my confidence and self-esteem took a big collapse, I’ve decided that it is better to start at a voluntary position, gain the skills of a good worker and boost up my confidence and self-esteem once again.

So yesterday I spent most of my morning filling out the application. The only bits left to do is the references sections and in my employment section think of reasons for leaving my previous employment.

I have no idea what reason to put, I can’t say that I left because they were treating me badly, saying horrible and mean things about me and thinking I’m dumb and stupid because I am dyslexic, can I? So yes, it is something I need to think about. After that I just need to submit it and wish for the best!

One thing I have learned though, to not to mention my small weakness ever again.

I am in a better place, everything is turning back to beautiful colours again. My writing is improving (it is what I feel, only you, my readers can tell me how far I have improved or not :)) and generally I am feeling great! So here is to a good future ahead!

Time to say Goodbye

The last couple of days have not been good. In fact they go from bad to worse. Well if you live in the united Kingdom you might have heard about the missing teen, Tia Sharpe. It is tragic as they found the body in the grandmother’s house, today. I really feel sorry for the family as they organised search parties around the area hoping to find her alive. I used to pray that they would find her and she would be back to her family, but it turned out different. My heart goes out to the family. R.I.P Tia Sharpe.

Also yesterday morning received a phone call from India, and the news was not good. And today this morning, found out my grandad passed away. When my mother told me this morning, I hugged her, as she lost her father. I wanted to cry. But then I realised that my mother is strong she did not cry, but I could see the sadness in her eyes. I wanted to cry, but then held it in, I guess that is one of my strong points is that I can hide my tears when I want to. But today I guess I wanted to stay strong for my mother, I didn’t want to make her cry.

The whole morning I spent moping around, but then I noticed that everyone is still moving on with their lives. So I decided to write my story, “Broken Ties” and I managed to do 4 chapters, and I was listening to Epica, Bullet for my Valentine and Delain, and some My Chemical Romance. My brother reckons that I am one of those that needs time on my own but needs to keep herself occupied, I guess he was right. But no matter what, I was still feeling sadness within myself.

A part of me just wanted to run to the one person that made me feel safe, I just wanted to message him so badly, but stopped myself. That one person knew how to put a smile on my face, just by cracking one of his jokes. But I did not want to bring him down, so I stopped myself.

Yesterday I was watching spy kid 4, and it was all about time, losing it and not being able to get it back; and how the timekeeper wanted to go back in time to be with his father, because he had lost that time by getting in the way of a time travel device and got frozen in time. After watching that, I knew something was going to happen.

And what happened this morning? I got the news, that he passed away. A part of me just wished that when I went to India in Feburary I had spent more time with him. I don’t know why, but everytime I am around elders, I stay quiet and my mouth is shut tight like a clam. I just cannot speak in front of elders much.

As you can see a very bad few days.

To top it off, I have work tomorrow morning and I really do not feel like going in, as that place drives me up the wall, it is like going to hell every Saturday morning. Oh well let’s see how behaved I can be tomorrw…