Stuck in the Middle!

Recently I’ve been giving a lot of my time in helping a friend for his project. I volunteered because I was looking to get some experience in writing professionally so that maybe one day I could try and do freelance writing. I also volunteered because I wanted too, and get a small portfolio together.

At first I was really enjoying it…but then the enthusiasm slowly began to fade. My mind is going stale and repeating everything over and over again. I’ve still got around eighteen more pages to write!

I think I’ve run out of steam and motivation.

In all of this I found that I didn’t get any time to do my creative writing as by the end of the day I’d feel so sleepy all I want to do is sleep! It is the creative writing that keeps me grounded and if I don’t do it, I start to feel stressed. This is what is happening now. Because writing stories is my escape I feel I haven’t managed to escape from reality and reality is catching up to me.

Also, now I have to help another friend with proofreading. It turns out I have too much on my plate and little time to do it in. I only have till 2pm to myself and most of it is taken by everything else except my stuff. Today I felt the pressure I was stuck in choosing what to do and I lost it and ended up having an outburst!

I love to help friends when I can and it seems like I love to keep giving and giving all the time. But why? Why can’t I never refuse once in a while?

In the end I decided I’m going to have a break and over the weekend I’m going to focus on my creative writing instead. The writing that makes me feel good and happy inside.

So if you ever wondered why I come on and vanish every time it’s because I’ve been busy with my friends project. For this I apologize for the on and off appearances that I make.

Time to say Goodbye

The last couple of days have not been good. In fact they go from bad to worse. Well if you live in the united Kingdom you might have heard about the missing teen, Tia Sharpe. It is tragic as they found the body in the grandmother’s house, today. I really feel sorry for the family as they organised search parties around the area hoping to find her alive. I used to pray that they would find her and she would be back to her family, but it turned out different. My heart goes out to the family. R.I.P Tia Sharpe.

Also yesterday morning received a phone call from India, and the news was not good. And today this morning, found out my grandad passed away. When my mother told me this morning, I hugged her, as she lost her father. I wanted to cry. But then I realised that my mother is strong she did not cry, but I could see the sadness in her eyes. I wanted to cry, but then held it in, I guess that is one of my strong points is that I can hide my tears when I want to. But today I guess I wanted to stay strong for my mother, I didn’t want to make her cry.

The whole morning I spent moping around, but then I noticed that everyone is still moving on with their lives. So I decided to write my story, “Broken Ties” and I managed to do 4 chapters, and I was listening to Epica, Bullet for my Valentine and Delain, and some My Chemical Romance. My brother reckons that I am one of those that needs time on my own but needs to keep herself occupied, I guess he was right. But no matter what, I was still feeling sadness within myself.

A part of me just wanted to run to the one person that made me feel safe, I just wanted to message him so badly, but stopped myself. That one person knew how to put a smile on my face, just by cracking one of his jokes. But I did not want to bring him down, so I stopped myself.

Yesterday I was watching spy kid 4, and it was all about time, losing it and not being able to get it back; and how the timekeeper wanted to go back in time to be with his father, because he had lost that time by getting in the way of a time travel device and got frozen in time. After watching that, I knew something was going to happen.

And what happened this morning? I got the news, that he passed away. A part of me just wished that when I went to India in Feburary I had spent more time with him. I don’t know why, but everytime I am around elders, I stay quiet and my mouth is shut tight like a clam. I just cannot speak in front of elders much.

As you can see a very bad few days.

To top it off, I have work tomorrow morning and I really do not feel like going in, as that place drives me up the wall, it is like going to hell every Saturday morning. Oh well let’s see how behaved I can be tomorrw…