A Better Place…

Yesterday, I sat at my laptop whilst filling out an application form for a voluntary position, and a rather interesting thought had occurred to me, how far have I come since last year?

I realized that I came very far! Let’s just say that 2012 was a bad year. The only good things that happened was my trip to India (there I felt alive, I was loved and didn’t feel alone and generally I was happy and content inside myself), creating this blog (by the way it will be 1 year on 19th June, I believe), and the few outings I had with friends. It was last year I saw the musical ‘War Horse’ on my friends birthday and he invited my mother to come along too. That was the only good stuff that happened.

The rest of the time had been spent feeling down and depressed because of my ex-job, how they treated me and said horrible things to me or behind my back. They stopped being nice to me after they found out that I was dyslexic. They started to assume I was dumb and stupid, they basically stopped my progression in the company.

I have to say that quitting that job was the best move I could have made! I feel happier within myself. The negativity is slowly working its way out of my system, (I mean it is still there, but it is silent, maybe it is waiting for the right time to grip hold of me again), but still I’m not thinking about that anymore.

Right now, I feel that I am ready to embrace the working world once more. Considering my confidence and self-esteem took a big collapse, I’ve decided that it is better to start at a voluntary position, gain the skills of a good worker and boost up my confidence and self-esteem once again.

So yesterday I spent most of my morning filling out the application. The only bits left to do is the references sections and in my employment section think of reasons for leaving my previous employment.

I have no idea what reason to put, I can’t say that I left because they were treating me badly, saying horrible and mean things about me and thinking I’m dumb and stupid because I am dyslexic, can I? So yes, it is something I need to think about. After that I just need to submit it and wish for the best!

One thing I have learned though, to not to mention my small weakness ever again.

I am in a better place, everything is turning back to beautiful colours again. My writing is improving (it is what I feel, only you, my readers can tell me how far I have improved or not :)) and generally I am feeling great! So here is to a good future ahead!

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A little flicker of hope

National Novel Writing Month

Only last week I decided to join the National Novel Writing Month, I thought I’d give it go and see if this is the big push I need to get myself going. I was really overwhelmed at first, but then I went onto the forums and sorted out all of my worries and now I am eagerly awaiting for 1st of November.

This is actually my first year attempting to do this, so anyone else done NaNoWriMo before? And what tips and advice would you give to someone like me who is a first timer?

The Other Stuff

This section is not related to National Novel Writing Month. This weekend at work I got really offended by the locum pharmacist I was working with. Last week she basically said I had no brains and that once someone says something to you try and remember it. It wasn’t my fault that I was stuck serving customers and by the time the queue calmed down I had forgotten what she told me to do. She ends up saying to me I have no common sense. This was last Saturday and I almost wanted to cry because she never listens to what I have to say before she starts having a go at me for silly things.

This Saturday she basically says to me that I’m not observant and I know nothing. She told me about this place that is looking for staff as he has two stores and needs the extra help. So I asked her where are the two shops so I can go there and see them by myself. She starts asking me if I know streets names and I’m so hesitant to answer as I only know places via a landmark, I am a visual person. And then she says I am not observant and I know nothing. I tried to tell her that I know from landmarks and buildings, but she would not have any of it.

Sometimes I wonder why am I still stuck in that workplace where I am not accepted much? Before she used to praise me and say that if my manager will allow me to progress I would be a valuable asset. Now, when they have crushed my confidence and blocked my progress she is basically started to treat me like crap. No-one listens to a single thing I had to say at staff meetings or in talking to me in general that I have started to stop talking to them. As every Saturday I seem to come home upset and completely crushed.

The only thing that has kept me grounded and not thinking about my current situation was planning my novel in October, with my friend, and now the National Novel Writing Month. It is a little flicker of hope, that not everything in life is bad.